grrrrrr...  my computer sucks and did some weird thing where it erased my entry that I was typing.. in my effort to not spend another 20 minutes on xanga I will just try to reconstruct the first part of my entry.

I guess I lied about trying to keep up with Xanga.. so is the story of being a medical student, it makes you unreliable in everything else in life besides things relating to the hospital or clinic.  You can't ever really guarantee you'll make it to social events or be able to come home for dinner in case you are on call or you have to study or you are too tired to move from being post call or even commit to regularly blogging!  I have been totally drained the last few weeks from being on the wards and waking up early and staying late... and I'm lazy too--> hence the poor adherence to my "I'm going to try to journal more" resolution. 

Anyways.. the main point from my entry was to say thank you to the people who left comments - Brian, Mike, Seung, Danny.  I wasn't sure people even still read xanga but it's very nice to hear from Penn people.  Even though its been years since college, it was such a huge, influential part of my life, I still remember so much from those years.. I feel so isolated being in Hawaii cuz I NEVER get to see anyone from Penn.  :P  I have to resort to online communication to keep in touch from the islands hehe :) 

Ok.. i'm too lazy to write all the other stuff I was writing about in my entry.  OH!  but btw.. I HAVE to say... I watched the ENTIRE football game yesterday.. UH came back to win agains UW.  :)  The entire state was wearing green yesterday and you could hear people cheering down the street at neighbors' houses.  The whole island tried to drive to the stadium from 10am that morning of the game, and traffic was hooooorrible. I must say that Hawaii people are die hard fans.  I'm very happy for the team and for all the fans. 

Therapeutic?

So.. in talking to one of my classmates about some of the things going on in my life.. she suggested that maybe I might find it therapeutic to journal.  Of course I thought .. gee I USED to kinda do that but I know xanga doesn't really count right?  Well sorta.  I think I will take her advice and start to write more entries in this thing.  I don't know if I would really want a whole bunch of people hearing my issues so I will probably make these private posts.. not cuz I don't like people enough to tell them but ya know.. its probably boring stuff to you anyways so I'm just saving you from the boredom! 

Anyways, for those who may not know I guess..I was in a pretty bad car accident last Dec. 29, 2006 for which I was in the hospital for a week w/ multiple neck fractures, fractured cheek bone, 10 in scalp laceration and then later returned to the hospital for spinal surgery for fusion of some vertebrae in my neck w/ placement of a titanium plate.  The accident was not my fault but it has been a pain (literally and not literally) trying to recover from it physically and mentally and at the same time continuing w/ med school.  I am for the most part physically recovered from the accident with only residual effects.  I stil have numbness/tingling in my left hand, some of my fingers which probably will never go away but my strength has returned and the motor aspect of my hands are waaaaay more important to me so I'm totally grateful for that.  There are parts of my head that don't have feeling and some of my upper facial muscles on the right that I have lost innervation to.  I have scars of my lacerations on my cheek and on my scalp.  For the most part, it's mostly minor stuff considering the fact that I could have died or injured my spinal cord with all my cervical fractures.  It's scary to think about the possibilities that could have occurred but I think about it all the time to reassure myself of how lucky I was in an unlucky situation. 

I must say it's been weird being a 3rd year medical student in the same hospital where only months ago I was a trauma patient.  I have made every effort to thank the nurses and doctors that took care of me everytime I see them.  They had such patience with me during my most painful episodes in the hospital.  Med student or not, when someone is in pain, it is not a pretty thing and although I would like to think I would be a model patient.. I definitely was not during my painful episodes.  :) hehe  I know, I know.. I should have more empathy for medical staff.. but when 10/10 pain is shooting down your arm q10min .... it's hard to be a nice patient :).  It was weird because the other day, I went in to interview a patient in the same room that I had stayed in.  For a moment right before I walked into the room, I stood outside the door to collect myself.  As I watched the patients hobble around in the hall way, I flashed back to think about how I had to do the same thing when I started to finally get out of bed and tried to walk a few steps down the hall way despite the pain in my neck and back.  I mean.. you never think that being able to walk would ever be an issue but I remember my eyes tearing up when I tried to walk down the hall way for the first time after the accident.  It was tears of frustration at the situation as well as tears of joy that I COULD walk at the same time, if that even makes sense.  When i see patients making such an effort to walk down the hallways, I can say I appreciate their efforts and have a sense of their determination.  We are all trying to survive :). 

Anyways.. I realizethat this post is already super long... maybe I will stop and go back to sleep.. this is pretty therapeutic for my sleepless head tho.  :)  I think I may just continue to post as self therapy.  :) 

So perhaps I should update this thing . . . let's see.  I'm in the final unit of my first year of medical school.  Sometimes I feel like I've learned a whole bunch and at the same time I feel like I have barely scratched the surface of medicine.  I think the latter is true :).  All I learn makes me realize how much there is that I don't know yet :P.  As far as what field I want to go to.. I'm just as clueless as when I started... so many things are interesting to me, peds, surgery, cardiology . . . oh well.. there's still time.

Interestingly I've begun to teach dance again.. but not as a real dance class.  Our class has to throw a luau for the graduating 4th years so for entertainment we are including a hip-hop dance courtesy of me.  It brings back memories of when I used to teach :).  Never thought I'd be doing it in med school. 

So this summer I plan to be in Osaka from June-July in an exchange program through the Uof Hawaii med school.  It shall be interesting since I know a bit of Japanese but don't understand a word of Japanese medical terminology.  I'm so excited about going tho!

There really isn't much else to report as my social life is pretty much school, the gym and starbucks.  It's sadly true :) and yet I kinda like it.  It's been raining forever here and today was the first day of sunshine for weeks.  I am lacking a tan so bad, I think I lost my ability to tan.. it's been ages since I've gone to the beach. :)  So yea.. that's my super boring report. 

Well I am back from my trip.  Snowboarding the first day through the snow storm was pretty intense.  I ate it pretty bad and gave myself a headache but days 2 and 3 were awesome.  I'm so hooked.. I wanna go back already.  I am still a slow poke but I must say, it's better than skiing I think :) .  I have a crazy bruise on the back of my leg from a bad fall I took coming off the lift :P  hehe but it's a good battle wound. :)

I got to do some Christmas shopping in SF!  And I got to see Dana and Christina! :)  It's so good to see Penn peoples..  brings back memories of APALI.  Dana helped me remember that I have always been germophobic.  And we all got to catch up and drink coffee at the Coffee Bean.  :)  I got scared by the tree guy at Fisherman's Wharf even after my friends warned me.  Apparently this guy sits there everyday with two branches in hand and pretends to be a bush and scares unexpecting tourists.  You may be thinking.. hm.. this is not very sly.. but even after being warned.. the guy got me!  And he laughed at me too... after he yelled, "haha .. GOTCHA!".  how rude.

anyways. :)  Happy Holidays everyone !